After not having difficulty conceiving her first two children, today’s guest began experiencing heavy bleeding, severe pelvic pain and physical therapy and was diagnosed with endometriosis. When Maria Pyanov was ready to try again she miscarried. She miscarried another 5 times and experienced the loss of a foster son. In today’s episode Maria takes us back on her journey through being diagnosed with endometriosis, her recurrent miscarriage and IVF journey, her loss of boy she fostered, and her faith and determination to overcome secondary infertility.
This episode is for you to listen to if you suffer from endometriosis, have had recurrent miscarriages, or have experienced the loss of a foster or adoptive child.
Maria Pyanov’s Bio
A mama to five living children, six little ones she never got to hold, and one special boy she held for almost two months. She’s a birth, parenting, and faith writer who hopes her writing can now be used to support fellow bereaved parents. She’s determined to end stigmas related to female reproductive health, loss, and fertility difficulties.
Tell me about your journey to motherhood? What obstacles have you overcome?
I was very fortunate to not have too much difficulty in conceiving my first two children, but I had a host of postpartum complications that really should have been a clue I was suffering from endometriosis. Both recoveries were riddled with heavy bleeding, painful steroid injections, severe pelvic pain and subsequent very helpful physical therapy.
A few years later, not too long after buying our first house, we were open to another child. Unfortunately, as quickly as we conceived, I miscarried. We decided to try again immediately but after several failed months, I finally told my doc I knew something was wrong. I was referred for endometriosis surgery, and sure enough, I had it. Before getting into surgery, I was pretty desperate. I mean, joined a clinical research study and would drive 2 hours one way for labs and scans in hopes it’d help conceive faster.
Thankfully, the surgery worked and I was able to conceive. I had another pregnancy following that, which was riddled with severe, debilitating sickness but thankfully he hung in and is now a healthy almost 6 year old. When I conceived again and had severe sickness, I never imagined it’d be too much and the pregnancy wouldn’t survive. I added progesterone injections in hope miscarriage would be impossible. I went in for my 13 week appt and they were unable to find the heartbeat. Crushed, I had a d&e a couple days later.
I knew I wanted to try again. But the miscarriage seemed to take forever to heal. Perhaps endo related, or who knows. Finally two months later, things were okay. I conceived again, only to miscarry again.
I conceived again, almost sure I’d miscarry. Much to my surprise she stuck around 6, 10, even 14 weeks. I went to an appt at 16 weeks, perfect. Two hours later, a gush of blood. I rushed myself to the ER expecting the worst. Much to my surprise, she was okay. We had no known cause, but she continued to leave me worried she wasn’t going to make it. At 29 weeks my water broke. At 31 she decided to come. Born breathing, but then resuscitated, she spent 6.5 weeks in the NICU. Shortly after coming home, we realized she would need skull surgery for a birth defect. She truly kept us worrying! After surgery, she was bagged again, reminding me of her resuscitation. Thankfully she was okay. Three years later we continue with medical and developmental therapy appts but shes well.
In 2018, almost 2 years after she was born, I conceived again. Worried it wouldn’t last, we did early blood work and scans. First results, nope not viable, call when you bleed. Second wait, never mind they’re good. And back and forth until almost 10 weeks when we finally confirmed yet another fetal demise.
We had scheduled a vasectomy, though we desperately wanted to end our family on a positive note, with this many losses, 4 over the years, but 3 in just two years, we felt we needed to be done biologically and we’d pursue other options.
We spent the summer of 2018 getting foster care calls for infant placements. Seven calls but none ever landed. Then we got a call for a 12 day old newborn. He was coming straight from the NICU to our home. We had the most amazing, albeit challenging, seven or so weeks with him. Then we found him unresponsive one morning and no amount of CPR was enough. Absolutely devastating. He was our sweet boy as much as our others, though his poor mama had to grow him only to lose him. The door to fostering also closed. Another loss in and of itself.
Months later, we pursued embro donation. Less expensive, less invasive and easier than traditional IVF. Our first transfer took place and was perfect. I had amazing scans, labs, etc. Then at 11 weeks we learned she stopped growing a few days prior and it was later confirmed she had trisomy 21.
I had a d&e with a random doctor, too far along to see my fertilty doc. That doctor left large amounts behind, and 5 weeks later my specialist had to go back in. A week later, we learned because it had been left, deep scarring developed. Another procedure was done, they couldn’t remove it all because it was too deep. A third procedure (fourth if d&e counts) was done, deep cut into my uterine wall, pain meds, and a week of a balloon cath in uterus to prevent scarring.
Finally, two months after that we transferred another embryo from the same donors. All great. Saw heartbeat at 5+5 despite passing massive clots. The next day, Christmas eve, we went back in and confirmed the heartbeat stopped and sac collapsing. Yet another d&e.
We found new donor. And we’re gearing up for our last and final chance at a happier ending. We miss them all, especially our sweet foster son, more than words can say. We’re incredibly blessed along the way. But do wish our final shot works out.
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